Easily irritated or easily soothed?

A client was recently telling me how she had a nice holiday where she could finally relax, but when she got home she quickly found herself irritable and stressed again.

She was frustrated that she wasn’t able to hold onto the good holiday vibe a bit longer.

I recognised this easy irritability in myself too - I was lucky enough to have a restorative weekend, but on Monday found that irritability was closer to the surface than it normally would be.

The last couple of years of stress caused by the pandemic meant we have spent more time than normal with our ‘threat’ system stimulated, causing adrenaline and cortisol to flood our system. More recently events in Ukraine and the ongoing threat of climate change add to our sense of danger and dread.

Sometimes we get stuck - even when the threat has passed we are still on high alert, looking out for danger, feeling both wired and tired.

Or when the threat doesn’t pass we remain in a state of constant vigilance.

If we have been lucky enough to have a break from some of the major triggers in our environment we may find that our parasympathetic response (our ‘soothe’ system) clicks back into gear and we feel safe and relaxed.

However, that overactive ‘threat’ system is still on monitoring mode, ready to fire up again at the slightest provocation.

We can actively cultivate our soothe system after a period of imbalance where the threat system has been overactive, or to give ourselves a moment’s break when we are in situations of ongoing stress.

We can’t stay on holiday all the time, or remove all the triggers from our life, so how do we do this?

It can help to think about accessing your ‘soothe’ system through your senses, as this can stimulate the parasympathetic response.

We are looking for that deep sense of peace and rest, when we feel secure.

Perhaps there is a piece of music that makes you feel safe and loved?

I know I feel deeply relaxed when I am in water (nice warm water preferably! - I am not into Wim Hof, but if that works for you, go for it!).

Or we can use visualisations of a place where we have felt at peace and calm to stimulate this state (try my podcast here).

It’s likely over the next year that there will be more things that stimulate our ‘threat’ system, so can we bring a bit of the holiday vibe back home with us? Or choose to give ourselves moments to step away from the distress when it all seems overwhelming.

Being in our ‘soothe’ state doesn’t magically make the problems disappear...

...but being strung out and overly anxious doesn’t help anyone.

We are more effective when we are emotionally regulated - more likely to engage in helpful behaviours and open to seeing creative solutions or ways of coping.

If we practice accessing our ‘soothe’ system (little and often is best) over time it becomes easier to switch between ‘threat’ and ‘soothe’ states.

We can notice when the immediate threat trigger has passed and shift our focus to developing our ‘soothe’ state.

Instead of being easily irritated, what would it be like to be easily soothed?

What helps stimulate your ‘soothe’ system?