Some things don’t go according to plan

As we move into the new year we tend to think forward and wonder what lies ahead.

For many of us we are still emerging, bit by bit, back out into the world after a year of lockdowns and restrictions, where the rules have changed, where things we took for granted are not available or are more complicated than they once were.

We may have an image of what we once did that we would like to get back to, or perhaps an image of how we aspire to be.

A client recently explained her plan to get fit. There was a beautiful botanical garden nearby, and so she bought a year pass so she could go whenever she wanted. There were benches to take rests, and the walks could be as long or as short as she felt.

But the days went past, and she found that she hadn’t been to the beautiful gardens, and her sense of frustration and disappointment with herself grew.

The ‘perfect’ me...

When we think of our vision for ourselves, we tend to think of it in perfect terms – the highest expression of our desires for ourselves. The idea of how fit, how successful, how happy we may become feels tantalising – a ‘new me’.

But this dream for ourselves can be counter-productive – we feel unsure, worried, and tired when we think of the changes required to attain this.

In her dream of getting fit and walking in the beautiful gardens, my client hadn’t accounted for how nervous she would feel driving somewhere new, finding where to park, and walking on her own.

The ideal didn’t include an acknowledgement of the sick feeling in her stomach when she thought about going, or the days that she would find reasons not to go.

And yet in the service of change all these unpleasant and undesirable feelings are an integral part of the process - not a sign that we are failing.

But, when we find that our steps to reach our dream are difficult and challenging, this doesn’t match our imagined future. We tend to believe we can’t achieve our ideal and so we do nothing…

We are stuck between the beauty of our dream and the struggle of our reality.

The steps are too big.

A messier me...

This time, can we instead allow this emerging of the ‘future me’ to be messy, incomplete, uncomfortable, to include mistakes?

Can we re-engage with the world with a spirit of exploration, curiosity, and play?

This ‘new me’ for 2022, might not be what we assume. It might take time to figure out.

We may go slower or experience more speed-bumps along the way – and this can also be part of our dream as we take small steps to emerge.

I’m curious, what would be helpful to remember when you are struggling with a change you are trying to create?